Inspired (Cancer Sucks!!)

As you may or may not know cancer is a part of my life within my family. It sucks big time. I lost my mom to it in January 2001. Hurting is knowing there is nothing you can do to stop this from happening to someone you love so much. My mom was terminal by chance because of the other disease that she had. The other people effected by cancer in my family (Besides those who help them through it) are my Grandpa Paine-bone cancer, my mom-bile duct cancer, my pepe (dad's dad)-skin cancer, my meme (dad's mom)-breast cancer, my dad-mouth cancer, my mother in law-breast cancer, my father in law-colon cancer, and my husband-skin cancer. I feel like my kids are doomed to get it somehow. I am hoping that they will not but with the odds stacked against them like this really it is a matter of when, not if.

The reason I am writing this is because  a few things happened around here and the world wide web. 1. Relay for Life
2. Reliving my daughters first relay for life she was a little over 1 1/2 years old.
3. Watched a video of Zack Sobiech. That video is amazing. Please watch it. It makes me wish I had known him before. By the way I can not get his song clouds out of my head. I am so sad that he is gone but so glad he touched so many lives through his music. He turned 18 May 3rd and passed away May 20th. I love the way he just lived. His song clouds is awesome too. My thought's and prayer's go out to his family and many friends and girlfriend in the loss of him. He was truly inspirational.

The video's in this blog are made by soulpancake productions.

Mom's Hope

 

 

My mom is Carol. She was diagnosed with MS when she was 24 years old. She campaigned for awareness and to raise support and funds to research the cause and find a cure. Through all of this she was also raising a family. Myself and my brother Chris. She would sit outside stores selling carnations to those who were willing to help. She and my dad helped run bingos to raise money as well. When I was in elementary school every year they had the MS read-a-thon so I got on the bandwagon and did my part to help raise awareness. I was always one of the top money makers for my school and when my brother was able to do the read-a-thon he was also.

 

Through the years my mom did amazing things. Unfortunately my mom's MS was progressive (it never went into remission.) Finally when I was 11 years old she was admitted into the nursing home portion of St. Joseph's Health Center, because we couldn't care for her at home the way she needed. There, she became an advocate for patient rights, in the hospital. She rallied for those who did not have a voice. She loved swimming in the pool there, it was the only place where she had some control over her body. She also helped in the recreation dept. being the caller for their bingos. She always made it fun for everyone. From her B-FORE to her I'm 18 and I like it. She was always finding the funny in everything. She had so much to give in her character.

 

She had so much hope, I remember one day she called me at my house and was telling me when she got out of the hospital and had her own place that she was going to get her license and a car and drive. It took everything in my not to laugh when I was on the phone, because she had told me a couple of months earlier that they had taken her electric wheelchair away from her because she was running into things like walls and people and doors. Even though she had very little movement on her own she still did things, she went to concerts, movies, museums and her favorite place was the mall or bingo.  

While in the hospital she went through a divorce from my dad, the death of her father and favorite cousin Pam. Those 2 deaths were the hardest on her. Pam was her best friend and they were more like sisters then cousins and she was always daddies little girl. No matter how old you are when your parent dies it is one of the hardest things you will have to face as an adult.

 

Her favorite holiday was Christmas because that was when she got to come home for a few days and spend some time with her family. She always looked forward to that. It was always the happiest I would see her.

 

Christmas 1999 our last one together.

 

All that changed when she was told she had cancer in October of 2000. She still had hope for a cure for that and went in for tests to see how they could get it out, but all that died when they said there was nothing they could do because of her MS because that was affecting her breathing. My beautiful mother was dying and there was nothing anyone could do to help her. I had never seen her in such a state as she was, depressed, upset and would cry easily. My mom who had been so strong for so long was being beaten by her own body. It was hard to watch and, eventually her body turned yellow with jaundice, another sign that her body was working against her. Christmas that year was really hard. For the first time since she had gone into the hospital she was too sick to come home for Christmas. She was heartbroken and seriously pissed off. When I went in to see her the first words out of her mouth that I could understand in a long time were "I'm Mad!" It was a nice Christmas but not perfect. We all missed her being there and it just wasn't the same.

 

January 15th 2001 I got a call from her nurse, saying that she was going into a semi-coma. My Grandmother and I went up to the hospital and while we were there she made sure that we knew she was still there. The next day however was not as noticeable, as I was hugging her and kissing her forehead I told her "It's okay to go mom we will be okay, Grandpa is waiting for you. I love you." We left that night. The next morning around 6 am the phone rang. It was my mom's nurse telling me she was gone. "What time?" I remembered asking being numb. "around 5:45." I thanked her and went to call my family and let them know what was going on. January 17th 2001. I was 24, she was 48. That is a day I don't want to remember, or go through again.

 



 

I miss my mom so much it makes me sad that my kids don't know her, but I know through the restored gospel that they will, through the promises that were given to us through our prophet's that were called to serve on the earth. I am thankful everyday for the gospel and the role it has played in my life. I know it has saved my life more then once. I know that it will happen again and again. I see all the blessings in my life and this is one of them. In the name of Jesus Christ amen.

New Beginnings Hollywood Premier

I saw this picture and thought "Hollywood Premier" You see we are Presenting the girls with a Plaque of Women who have completed their Personal Progress for inspiration. Our "Stars" will be Faith, Divine Nature, Individual Worth, Knowledge, Choice and Accountability,  Good Works, Integrity, and Virtue which all will be a star on the Walk of Fame. Then at the end of the "Walk of Fame" will be a picture of the Temple.

Each of the girls will have a "role" to play. Telling how a Personal Progress value has helped improve their lives. The girls that are planning on talking about the values are going to be the paparazzi and dress like such and make handouts explaining what the value is, having pictures and articles set up that represent the value (like in a tabloid.)

I was thinking of clear plastic shoes the ones you get for a wedding or shower keepsakes and a printable that says "Step out from the crowd and Stand Ye in Holy Places and Be Not Moved." like the ones here. At the end of the girls talking have the YW president present the Plaque to them with a brief explanation of what it is and why we now have it. "After Party" themed refreshments will be served at the end.

The invitations for parents (we have some girls that don't have a mom in our ward) will be in the form of movie tickets.

Our agenda:

We have a smaller ward but I am very glad to be a part of it. It is an amazing growth experience. I am hoping all goes smoothly. We shall see and I will update after we are done.

UPDATE!!!!

I am so proud of our girls they all came prepared and did there parts. It was an amazing night. The spirit was there and I think people actually learned a thing or two. I loved how the girls got into their roles as paparazzi it was great!!

New Year, New Me????

I was looking at all the posts on facebook about Happy New years and the Resolutions that people are making, when I came across this picture with the question of, "What spiritual resolutions are you making for 2013?" which really made me think. In the 15 years I have been a member of the LDS Church I have never really given this any thought. It was like BOOM. I really should do something like that. Sure I have always had goals for church but not something to work on all year long.

My goals resolutions for this year: 

#1. Get Healthy. This is my big one. I have already started on this one talking to my Doctor and working on getting out of pain so I can do stuff without hurting myself more then I already have (I fell on a wet floor in 2000 and hurt my back and my pregnancies and weight have made it worse.) Then loose weight and get fit not just for me but my family too.

#2. Work with my daughter Carolyn to be ready for her baptism in October. (She will be 8 this year.) I already have part of that going on.

#3. Work on a new project. (business venture) I am super excited about.

#4. Get very involved with my calling and doing it to my maximum capacity.

#5. Read more.

#6. Spend more time with my family doing family things and teaching my kids.

My Spiritual Resolutions:

Try to be more consistent in everything. Reading scriptures, prayers, tithing, going to the Temple going to church, FHE and so on.


So it looks like I have a lot to do and get going on I hope I can have the strength and courage to make the changes that I need to make. I have a lot on my healthy list to do and I want to make that change it is so important for me and my family because they rely on me so much. I don't want to disappoint them.
So what will you do in 2013? Talk instead of text? Finish your degree? Go back to church? Start a journal? Spend more time with your kids? Just remember that time is short, goals and resolutions are great, so make the most out of what you have, and don't loose sight of the biggest goal you should have in this life, heading back to Him.