Mom's Hope

 

 

My mom is Carol. She was diagnosed with MS when she was 24 years old. She campaigned for awareness and to raise support and funds to research the cause and find a cure. Through all of this she was also raising a family. Myself and my brother Chris. She would sit outside stores selling carnations to those who were willing to help. She and my dad helped run bingos to raise money as well. When I was in elementary school every year they had the MS read-a-thon so I got on the bandwagon and did my part to help raise awareness. I was always one of the top money makers for my school and when my brother was able to do the read-a-thon he was also.

 

Through the years my mom did amazing things. Unfortunately my mom's MS was progressive (it never went into remission.) Finally when I was 11 years old she was admitted into the nursing home portion of St. Joseph's Health Center, because we couldn't care for her at home the way she needed. There, she became an advocate for patient rights, in the hospital. She rallied for those who did not have a voice. She loved swimming in the pool there, it was the only place where she had some control over her body. She also helped in the recreation dept. being the caller for their bingos. She always made it fun for everyone. From her B-FORE to her I'm 18 and I like it. She was always finding the funny in everything. She had so much to give in her character.

 

She had so much hope, I remember one day she called me at my house and was telling me when she got out of the hospital and had her own place that she was going to get her license and a car and drive. It took everything in my not to laugh when I was on the phone, because she had told me a couple of months earlier that they had taken her electric wheelchair away from her because she was running into things like walls and people and doors. Even though she had very little movement on her own she still did things, she went to concerts, movies, museums and her favorite place was the mall or bingo.  

While in the hospital she went through a divorce from my dad, the death of her father and favorite cousin Pam. Those 2 deaths were the hardest on her. Pam was her best friend and they were more like sisters then cousins and she was always daddies little girl. No matter how old you are when your parent dies it is one of the hardest things you will have to face as an adult.

 

Her favorite holiday was Christmas because that was when she got to come home for a few days and spend some time with her family. She always looked forward to that. It was always the happiest I would see her.

 

Christmas 1999 our last one together.

 

All that changed when she was told she had cancer in October of 2000. She still had hope for a cure for that and went in for tests to see how they could get it out, but all that died when they said there was nothing they could do because of her MS because that was affecting her breathing. My beautiful mother was dying and there was nothing anyone could do to help her. I had never seen her in such a state as she was, depressed, upset and would cry easily. My mom who had been so strong for so long was being beaten by her own body. It was hard to watch and, eventually her body turned yellow with jaundice, another sign that her body was working against her. Christmas that year was really hard. For the first time since she had gone into the hospital she was too sick to come home for Christmas. She was heartbroken and seriously pissed off. When I went in to see her the first words out of her mouth that I could understand in a long time were "I'm Mad!" It was a nice Christmas but not perfect. We all missed her being there and it just wasn't the same.

 

January 15th 2001 I got a call from her nurse, saying that she was going into a semi-coma. My Grandmother and I went up to the hospital and while we were there she made sure that we knew she was still there. The next day however was not as noticeable, as I was hugging her and kissing her forehead I told her "It's okay to go mom we will be okay, Grandpa is waiting for you. I love you." We left that night. The next morning around 6 am the phone rang. It was my mom's nurse telling me she was gone. "What time?" I remembered asking being numb. "around 5:45." I thanked her and went to call my family and let them know what was going on. January 17th 2001. I was 24, she was 48. That is a day I don't want to remember, or go through again.

 



 

I miss my mom so much it makes me sad that my kids don't know her, but I know through the restored gospel that they will, through the promises that were given to us through our prophet's that were called to serve on the earth. I am thankful everyday for the gospel and the role it has played in my life. I know it has saved my life more then once. I know that it will happen again and again. I see all the blessings in my life and this is one of them. In the name of Jesus Christ amen.

Questions and Answered Prayers

Febuary 27 1998,  I had been a member of the church for about 7 months at the time when this had occurred. I was visiting some friends in Ont. Canada for the week, where I was baptized, at the time I was living with my Grandmother in Michigan. I had got very close to the Elder who had baptized me, his name is Alan Stanford. I had written letters to his family and became Pen-pals with his little sister Becca. I was very curious about how he was doing because at the time I wasn't able to get a letter from him or his family. (There was a mix-up at the post office and they were sending my mail back to the senders.) So in prayer I asked if he was doing well and how his family was. 

I had the opportunity to go to visit my good friends the MacDonald's in Sarnia Ont. While I was there Br. MacDonald was looking for a job. He was going on a lot of interviews. One in particular was in Stratford Ont. So his wife and I accompanied him on the trip it was somewhere between 2-3 hrs on the road each way. As we were driving we sang church hymns all the way there. Br. MacDonald was in the interview for 2hrs everything went very smoothly. On the way home we were blessed with a beautiful sunset, I couldn't help but marvel at Heavenly Fathers work, it was spectacular. 
As I was admiring the sunset we noticed that there were people alongside the road taking pictures. Br. MacDonald (being Ward Mission Leader at the time) recognized them right away as missionaries and shouted "that's Elder Stanford!" We pulled over to the side of the road.

(This is not the picture they took but one very similar to it.)

By this time they had already gotten back in their car and were driving away as they rode past us Br. MacDonald beeped the horn several times to get their attention. They then parked in front of us and got out of the car. As the Elder and Sisters walked up, I was so floored to see my answer right in front of me. He came to the window of the old station wagon that we were in and was amazed to see the MacDonald's I sat up to the front seat from the back and quietly said "Hi Elder Stanford" and he was overjoyed to see me. We made plans to meet up at a diner we saw along the side of the road so that we could catch up on what was going on in our lives. I seriously could have done cartwheels I was so excited. (Now mind you I have never been able to do a cartwheel in my life I just knew though that if I tried that day I may have been able to. So much adrenaline and excitement at the same time. Thank goodness I didn't have a heart condition, that could have been bad.)
At the diner the Elder explained about what was going on with the letters and that he too had often prayed to know how I was doing. He had also told me that he was supposed to be somewhere else that day but the plans did not work out.  We then knew it was divine intervention that we happened to meet up in such a manner. He told us that he was an assistant to the Mission President and that he had been doing very well on his mission and how much he loved it. I told him of my callings in the church and how much I loved it. (At the time I was a part of a small ward and at the most I held 3 callings.)
After our dinner we exchanged addresses again to make sure that we had the right ones. I was on a spiritual high for days after this meeting, even after the years since it warms my heart to think of it. Even though Br. MacDonald did not get the job we found that the reason that we had such positive spirits about going to this interview had been the answer to not only my prayer, but, Elder Stanford's as well. Had I made the choice not to go I would have missed out on seeing my friend. I am thankful that the choice I made was the right one. I have been a member for almost 16 years and since that night I have made many right choices because of the things that Elder and his companion have taught me. I married my sweetheart in the Temple I have a wonderful family and children that I adore. Before I had met the missionaries I had often prayed to find the true Church Of God. They brought me that gift and I am thankful for it every day, even though I didn't want to let them in at first. I know that Heavenly Father answers our prayers we just have to listen to get the answer, although it doesn't hurt when you are with the right people too. I know that when we pray that Heavenly Father really hears what we say although we don't always see the outcome He knows what is best. I have learned that to trust in Him and he will never lead you to disaster.

JS Matthew 1:1 "Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord, in the clouds of heaven, and all the Holy Angels with him. Then understood his disciples that he should come again on the earth, after that he was glorified and crowned on the right hand of God." 

New Year, New Me????

I was looking at all the posts on facebook about Happy New years and the Resolutions that people are making, when I came across this picture with the question of, "What spiritual resolutions are you making for 2013?" which really made me think. In the 15 years I have been a member of the LDS Church I have never really given this any thought. It was like BOOM. I really should do something like that. Sure I have always had goals for church but not something to work on all year long.

My goals resolutions for this year: 

#1. Get Healthy. This is my big one. I have already started on this one talking to my Doctor and working on getting out of pain so I can do stuff without hurting myself more then I already have (I fell on a wet floor in 2000 and hurt my back and my pregnancies and weight have made it worse.) Then loose weight and get fit not just for me but my family too.

#2. Work with my daughter Carolyn to be ready for her baptism in October. (She will be 8 this year.) I already have part of that going on.

#3. Work on a new project. (business venture) I am super excited about.

#4. Get very involved with my calling and doing it to my maximum capacity.

#5. Read more.

#6. Spend more time with my family doing family things and teaching my kids.

My Spiritual Resolutions:

Try to be more consistent in everything. Reading scriptures, prayers, tithing, going to the Temple going to church, FHE and so on.


So it looks like I have a lot to do and get going on I hope I can have the strength and courage to make the changes that I need to make. I have a lot on my healthy list to do and I want to make that change it is so important for me and my family because they rely on me so much. I don't want to disappoint them.
So what will you do in 2013? Talk instead of text? Finish your degree? Go back to church? Start a journal? Spend more time with your kids? Just remember that time is short, goals and resolutions are great, so make the most out of what you have, and don't loose sight of the biggest goal you should have in this life, heading back to Him.

Christmas Theme

So the Church has decided to do a big thing this year and everyone is excited about it. It is a beautiful message and with Thanksgiving in two days I am going to write about it now. If I don't it will get lost in the work I have to do. I love the message that is portrayed. You can see it here.

Now I will add my own. John 3:16,17

16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

 17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

Christmas is about eternity and family. Heavenly Father loved us so much that he sent Jesus to be our Savior. He sacrificed the most precious of his children, His own flesh and blood Son Jesus Christ, so that the rest of us can return to be with Him too. That is His gift to us. When I think of what it took for that to happen the magnitude of it astounds me. Jesus is Heavenly Fathers gift to us whether we are grateful or not. It is our choice on how we choose to receive it. As a spoiled brat who has everything you could want and just throw it away or someone who really loves what has been given to them and is thankful everyday for such a momentous gift. Are you willing to accept it? I did.